Help! How Can I Stop Worrying?
If you’ve ever found yourself caught in a constant cycle of worry, you may be familiar with the frustration of trying to "turn it off." In this post, we’ll dive into what worry really is, why it’s so hard to silence, and how you can use proven techniques, like CBT, to regain control over it.
What is Worry, and Why is It So Hard for Me to Turn It Off?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a worrier. From fretting about school presentations to overthinking conversations with friends, my mind seemed to be in a constant state of planning for worst-case scenarios. I’d lie awake at night, my mind racing with all the "what-ifs" of the world. As a clinical psychologist, I’m well aware that worry is a common human experience. But, for me, it felt like a never-ending companion. No matter how many times I tried to talk myself out of it, the worry always returned—sometimes in subtle ways, and other times, in overwhelming waves.
Over the years, I’ve used the very techniques I teach my clients to help manage my worries. Through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), I learned how to challenge my anxious thoughts and gradually shift my relationship with worry. It’s been a journey of self-compassion and practise, and while I still experience worry, I’ve developed tools to accept it without letting it control my life.
What Is Worry?
Worry is a type of thinking that involves dwelling on potential problems or negative outcomes. It's a mental process where you anticipate challenges or threats, often imagining the worst-case scenario. While worry can sometimes be a natural response to uncertainty, when it becomes excessive, it can affect our mental and physical health.
In a way, worry is a survival mechanism—it’s our brain’s way of preparing for potential danger or discomfort. However, in today’s world, where many of our worries are about things that are not immediate threats (like what someone said at work or future unknowns), this kind of thinking can become overwhelming and counterproductive.
Why Is Worry So Hard to Turn Off?
There are many reasons why it’s difficult to turn off worry, but one key factor is the intolerance of uncertainty. This concept plays a major role in why some people experience chronic worry. The Intolerance of Uncertainty (IU) model suggests that some individuals have a heightened need for certainty, and when faced with situations that feel uncertain, they experience significant distress. This discomfort can lead to excessive worry as a way of trying to "prepare" for an unpredictable future.
When you have an intolerance of uncertainty, the unknown or ambiguous situations create a sense of anxiety that pushes you into constant worrying. You may find yourself overthinking possible scenarios, trying to predict outcomes, or seeking reassurance in an attempt to reduce uncertainty. Even though worry doesn’t necessarily resolve the uncertainty, it can feel like an attempt to control it. For example, if you’re waiting for a test result or wondering how a conversation with a friend might unfold, your mind may race with a variety of worst-case scenarios. The longer you stay in this state of uncertainty, the more your brain starts to crave resolution—and this can lead to an unrelenting cycle of worry.
You might be surprised to learn that some people have positive beliefs about worry that keep them stuck in the cycle. These beliefs often stem from the idea that worrying helps us be more prepared or that it keeps us safe. For example, you might think, “If I don’t worry about it, I won’t be ready for what happens,” or “Worrying means I care, so it must be a good thing.” While these beliefs may feel true in the moment, they actually contribute to more stress and anxiety. Worrying doesn’t improve outcomes or make you more prepared—it just consumes your energy and focus.
Types of Worry: Hypothetical vs. Current Problem Worry
It’s also helpful to distinguish between different types of worry. Understanding the nature of your worry can guide you in using the right strategies to address it.
Hypothetical Worry: This involves worrying about things that might never happen—imagining possible scenarios or worst-case outcomes that are based on uncertainty. For example, “What if I fail the test?” or “What if something happens to my loved one while I’m away?” Hypothetical worry can often feel overwhelming because it’s about something that hasn’t happened yet and may never happen.
Current Problem Worry: This type of worry relates to real, tangible issues that you can do something about—like worrying about a work project or an upcoming medical appointment. While current problem worry is more rooted in reality, it can still feel overwhelming.
Once you have identified your type of worry, you can choose the appropriate strategies to address them:
Thought-Challenging for Hypothetical Worry: The first step is to recognise that these worries are based on hypothetical scenarios. You can challenge these thoughts by asking yourself, “What is the likelihood that this will actually happen?” or “Have I experienced something like this before? How did it turn out?” Acknowledging the uncertainty and recognising that you’re worrying about something beyond your control can reduce the power of these worries. Instead of focusing on the unknown, you can shift your focus to what’s within your control and take practical steps to manage uncertainty.
Using Problem-Solving Skills for Current Problem Worry: With current problem worries, the best approach is to shift from worrying to active problem-solving. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to address this situation?” Break the problem down into manageable steps. Having a clear action plan can help you feel more in control and reduce the anxiety that comes with uncertainty. If you can take even small steps to resolve the problem, your mind will feel more at ease.
How to Break the Cycle of Worry
If you find it hard to stop worrying, know that it’s possible to break the cycle. Here are some additional strategies, grounded in psychological research, that can help you manage worry:
Acknowledge the Uncertainty: Recognising that uncertainty is a natural part of life can help reduce its power over you. You don’t need to know all the answers to every situation, and learning to tolerate uncertainty is a key skill for reducing worry in the long run.
Challenge Your Worrying Thoughts: When you catch yourself in a worry spiral, pause and evaluate your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that supports this worry?” and “What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is that to occur?” Shifting your perspective can often help break the grip of excessive worry.
Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Mindfulness practices can be very effective for managing worry. By focusing on the present moment, you can prevent your mind from spiralling into future uncertainties. Grounding exercises, like deep breathing or focusing on your senses, can also help you stay in the here and now.
Limit Reassurance-Seeking: While seeking reassurance from others may provide short-term relief, it can reinforce your worry in the long term. Challenge yourself to limit how often you seek reassurance, and instead, trust in your ability to handle uncertainty.
Face Your Fears Gradually: Exposure to uncertainty in manageable doses can help reduce your fear of it. By slowly confronting situations that feel uncertain or anxiety-inducing, you can build your tolerance to these experiences over time.
Therapy and Support: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a particularly effective approach for managing chronic worry. A therapist trained in CBT can help you identify and challenge unhelpful thought patterns. Therapy can also teach you practical techniques to manage anxiety and worry more effectively.
Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers to every situation, and learning to tolerate uncertainty is a key skill for reducing worry in the long run. If you find that worry is affecting your daily life, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can guide you in managing these thoughts more effectively. With time and practise, you can regain control over your worries and live a more peaceful, balanced life.